19 Things NOT to do in Las Vegas

1. Buy gas on the Strip: If you rent a car in Las Vegas, take the time to drive east or west of the Strip to get cheaper gas. With today's gas prices, you will be happy you did.

2. Use The Casino ATMs: Most casino ATMs charge anywhere from $2 – $6 (plus what ever your bank tacks on) for the pleasure of spitting out more money for you to lose.

Instead: Do yourself a favor and either bring plenty of cash, or hit the BofA and WaMu-Chase machines off the Strip. Bank of America has a branch 1 block off Fremont Street on 4th & Carson if you are staying on Fremont Street.

3. Dress Slutty or like a bum: Do not take your vacation in Vegas to wear the sluttiest outfit you owned 10 years ago or as an incentive to buy a new hoochie outfit from Forever 21 that doesn’t quite cover all your bits and pieces. You will feel and look uncomfortable and thus end up drinking more to stifle the insecurity. And God knows what that could lead to.

Instead: Dress sexy (there’s a difference) in something special. Maybe even get your hair done but don’t wear anything that could get you mistaken for an escort. Also, if you plan on wearing something short just remember that when you’re dancing atop the go-go boxes, people will take pictures.

3.5 Don't dress like a tourist: Cutoff jeans, logo/slogan tee-shirt and flip-flops mark you for a tourist. Dress like you would at home or work, not someone who lives in a trailer park. Sensible shoes are a must!

4. Wear Painful Shoes: Do not wear your six-inch stilettos or brand new Italian leather loafers for a night out on the town. Vegas casinos are bigger than they appear and just walking from the Venetian to The Wynn can give you painful blisters.

Instead: Try to stick with 3-inches or shoes that you’ve worn before. Also, we live in an age where flat sandals are cute again. The only exception might be if you wear those dangerous shoes directly from your room to the nightclub inside your hotel.

5. Get Married at The Chapel of Love: The divorce rate in America is hovering at 50 percent and if you treat your wedding day like an order of burger and fries at drive-thru, then the odds of failure have to go through the roof.

Instead: While Vegas quickies are cheap (starting at $49) we say hit the craps table, make yourself 500 bucks and elope in Vegas with dignity at one of the many new or classic wedding spots like the Mandalay Bay or the famous Little White Wedding Chapel.

6. Choose the Cheapest Buffet in Town: Full Las Vegas buffet for $11 with over 50 items sounds almost too good to be true right? Well it is. How is the food? Here is the opinion of one web reviewer:

The “scrambled eggs” seemed to be made of water and reconstituted egg yoke which had separated after sitting in the bin.

And that’s not all. This buffet serves thousands of people a day, which means not only can it get crowded, but it also can be teeming with kids. Kids are awesome and all, but a room full of hungry kids on vacation and a bit of a hangover don’t always mix.

Instead: The Wynn Buffet is incredible. Or if you want classic yet cheap try the Flamingo. Another option? Denny’s is right across the street. Avoid the buffet at The Excalibur! Downtown: The Golden Nugget Buffet and Paradise Buffet at the Fremont are great!

7. Log-On In-room: Do not pay in-room internet charges. They are often too expensive (starting at $10.99) and the connection is never very good. Also, wireless is rare in-rooms meaning you have to use an Ethernet cable. Comcast in Fitzgeralds is $10.99 for 24 hours.

Instead: Try to hit the free Wifi spots such as Krispy Kreem or Starbucks.

8. Drink Before Your Massage: Sure, it sounds fun to spend the day by the pool drinking frozen daiquiris before heading off to an afternoon of relaxation at the spa but massages are not good for drunk people. The rub-downs release toxins from your body and take it from us, you WILL throw up.

Instead: Book a massage for mid-morning (provided you aren’t too hungover from last night) which will loosen you up for the long day of drinking ahead.

9. See Criss Angel’s Believe: You will want your money back and there’s no way you can get it. Also, evil bunnies are scary.

Instead: If you want a Cirque experience, you can’t go wrong with LOVE which is set to The Beatles music. For a more classic Broadway show experience with a little bit of goth, try The Phantom of The Opera.

10. Arrive at the Airport 30 Minutes Before Your Flight: Ok, maybe if you are a veteran you can pull this off. However, security lines in Vegas a legendarily long. Furthermore, once you check your bags and clear security there is a good chance you are going to have to hop on the monorail to get to your gate.

Instead: While the Strip is only about five minutes from the airport, allot yourself 1.5 hours to be assured you make your flight. Don’t worry there are plenty of Wheel of Fortune slots in the terminal if you happen to breeze through the security and monorail hurdles.

11. Stay Up All Night Then Catch Your Flight: Don’t party all night with the excuse that your flight is at 8am so you might as well stay up through the night. There is nothing worse than a crowded McCarran airport experience on a Sunday with a severe hangover. Not even the Oxygen bar in the Southwest terminal can revive you.

Instead: Book a night flight. That way you can continue the party on the plane.

12. Use a “mobility scooter”. Unless you’re collecting Social Security or have a legitimate disability, don’t tool around in one of these motorized wheelchairs. Nobody cares how far you have to walk or how tired your feet are; you’ll still look like a douche-nozzle riding around on Grandma’s scooter. Renting a scooter from the hotel's bell desk will run about $125.00 a week.

13. Play the Money Wheel – Also known as the Big Six Wheel or Wheel of Fortune, you’ll know it when you see it. The wheel will be spinning and clanking and you’ll think a bet on the wheel would be a good warm up for a night of gambling. Watch out! Just keep walking. That wheel has a house advantage of almost 20%. And yes, people can even play the wheel badly. A casino typically keeps 44% of every dollar bet on it.

14. Forget to tip – Most casino workers are service employees, who are paid very low wages and rely on tips for their livelihoods. Dealers and slot attendants should be tipped when you win, and valets and cocktail waitresses should be tipped always. If you don’t tip at all expect poor service and a cloud of animosity to hang around you.

15. Sign up for rewards everywhere you play – Casinos market just like other businesses, and they want gamblers on their mailing lists and they want to give them rewards (meals, show tickets, better room rates). You should definitely sign up for a rewards program, but these are rated by how much money you gamble. Focus the bulk of your gambling at your favorite casino and get signed up there. Then your betting action will amount to something. Gambling at multiple casinos and signing up for rewards everywhere will just spread out your money and get you a low rating everywhere (unless you’re Bill Gates, but even then the above advice remains sound.)

16. Have all your money in your pocket – You can imagine what could go wrong here. Having to stop and get more money when you’re losing will give you a chance to take a break that you probably need anyway. Also, if you win big, don’t keep your winnings too handy. Give yourself a fun amount to keep playing with and lock up the profit. You’ll thank me later.

17. Drink too much at the casino – Drinking and gambling are fun, but moderation wins with this volatile combination. Casinos will claim otherwise, but they love a gambler with well-greased wheels tossing money on the table, as long as the person is not belligerent or dangerous. Get a bottle sent up to your room to celebrate. Also don't drink beer out of a football glass or 36" Margaritas. These make you look like a tourist.

18. Think you can act like Joe Pesci from the movie “Casino” – You might feel like flaunting your hostile raw emotion but unless you actually are a “made man” of some sort, you’ll get asked to leave if you are being abusive, throwing cards, swearing, etc. Casinos are tolerant institutions but they do draw lines. They have to consider the comfort of all their patrons.

19. Play craps without taking your odds – Craps can be a confusing whirlwind, but if you get on a table, please bet your odds with your line bet. Some novice craps players shy away from making an additional bet, but winning your odds is the whole point of playing craps. Make sure to ask your dealer what and when to bet.